Mr. Wonderful

Sorry I haven’t blogged in a few days…I have been attempting to complete those 10 loads of laundry that has been haunting my dreams. I am down 3 loads…only 7 more to go! By the time I am think I am finished I will have accumulated 10 more.

Today, I am blogging on something I think a lot of girls can relate to. Recently I started reading at night. I did this several years ago but I gave up on trying to finish a book. I would start a book when I crawled in bed at night then after reading 2 pages I would fall asleep. I figured after a year and I had only got to page 60, I should give up trying. However, over the past few weeks I have picked up the hobby again (it is an excuse to skip the gym.) I have read 2 love stories (Nora Roberts & Nicholas Sparks) in less than a month and I have already felt myself changing. You know how a girl does…you start to feel all warm and fuzzy and the need to be romantic overwhelms you. By the end of the book, you think the story should be about your life and you do all you can to incorporate the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful into your own relationship. Okay maybe I am crazy! Maybe I am the only girl in the world that thinks this way! But, over the past few days I have found myself getting mad at “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” for not quitting his job and spending long days walking on the beach hand in hand while he whispers sweet nothings into my ear. I want Mr. Wonderful, Sporadic, and Does What Ever I Want. (Perhaps I should give up the romance novels...because does that really exist?) But then I have snapped back and realized that if he didn’t work and if he wasn’t who he is, then I would never have fallen in love with him in the first place. Once I dated a guy that did everything I wanted to do…and you know what?...He annoyed the heck out of me. If “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” always did what I wanted to do then I would have never learned how to venture out and try new things like lay and grout tile, go to a rodeo, or let him fly me around without a parachute (a blog for another day.) Sometimes I think the hardest job in life is being a girl. Then I think about the boys that have to put up with all of our complaining and nagging and the little things I have to go through daily doesn’t look near that bad!

Creating A “Tooter Town”

This past week, our cousins came over for a visit and informed us that they were thinking about moving.

A little background:

Our cousins are technically “Tim the Tool Man Taylor’s” cousins but mine by marriage. I actually consider them as a brother and sister in-law. They only live about 1 mile from our home and are always there for us when we need them…usually to bring over some toilet paper or ice when I don’t want to go to the grocery store. I call the husband “Mr. Workaholic,” his wife “Wife and Mother of the Year (every year!),” and they have two children, a 3 year old girl “Miss Know it All,” and their 4 year old son “Mr. Cuddle Bug.” However, this week they informed us they were thinking about buying 100’s of acres in the middle of no where and they wanted us all to move there and form a compound.

“Mr. Workaholic” and “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” thinks we can purchase this property and become sustainable. Don’t they understand that this week I killed a peace lily because I over watered it and that out of 5 tomato plants I planted, only 2 of them have survived? And now, they expect that I am going to be able to plant hundreds of corn stalks, pick beans, and milk cows? In a perfect world I would be like “Mr. Workaholic’s” wife, “Wife and Mother of the Year.” When “Mr. Workaholic” walks in the door she has his tea in her hand, a meal already on the table, kids already fed, 5 loads of laundry complete, and already baked a cake for dessert. And all of this done by 5:00pm! She is truly amazing and would be perfect for sustainable living. She is so good, she could even home school her kids while milking a cow. I am the complete opposite…I have about 10 loads of laundry overflowing the hamper, no food in the fridge, and I make a quick dash to McDonald’s for dinner. If McDonald’s or a Walmart doesn’t make it or provide it, then we won’t have it.

When I think about sustainable living I imagine this little town that was located about 10 miles from my mom’s house. It is called “Tooter Town.” It is a town with 2 signs about 500 yards apart (“Welcome to Tooter Town” and “You are Now Leaving Tooter Town”), a gas station in a double wide trailer, and about 5 families in trailers/homes in-between. On the sign it says population 9. I would imagine this would be us in the middle of no where with a sign that says “Welcome to Crazyville stay long enough and you will be just as crazy.”

Although this would not happen for another 4 to 5 years, I have already started thinking how are we going to sell the “thin mint” (this is what I call our house because it is a 1970’s mint green color and looks like the inside of an Andes Mint.) It has no master bathroom, no kitchen cabinet doors, and a pool that is falling in. Stress immediately fills up my body…there is no way in heck we are going to have all of this finished in 4 to 5 years to sell. However, by the time our house is finished, moving and creating our own “Tooter Town” might not be so bad after all.

The Money Pit

Have you ever just had one of those days where enough is enough? You have had all you can take and you just wish the time would come to go to bed and wake up refreshed and renewed. This was my day! When I came home I wanted nothing more than to relax out by my pool and swim a couple of laps to relieve the stress from a hard day at work. I dreamed the whole way home about my pool until I pulled into my drive way and snapped back into reality. We live in the money pit.

Yes! I mean just like the movie. We bought this house in hopes to turn it around. We never expected how long it would take. We work nights and weekends to try to get it finished but lately we have spent more time fantasying rather than doing the hard labor. However, just when we decide to fix something, something else breaks. It is a never ending battle. Once, “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” worked on the plumbing and the power went out? How do you explain this one?

Tonight I wanted to come home, kick off my heels, and run until I felt the cold water between my toes! If I started to run I would have fallen into this:

This is our pool. We had the bright idea to drain the pool at the end of last summer in hopes to get a new pool liner by this past spring. Fools we were to think we would actually have the grading complete in the back yard. When we think we have our vision complete, “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” comes up with another idea for a pergola or outdoor kitchen. By the time we have fantasized of our dream backyard it has turned dark and we have yet to do physical work. I guess tonight I will just have to settle for a hot bath and lifetime movie and hope tomorrow I will have the energy to get out there and measure the pool for a new liner.

My Half Year’s Resolution starts TODAY!

I have finally realized what it means when everyone said “Don’t let yourself go after you get married.” I know…it has only been 2 ½ months since we have been married but I have become lazy. I definitely have the “I got my man now why do I need to impress him” attitude. I worked really hard for a year before the wedding. Hitting the gym at least 5 days a week and I paid a personal trainer once a week. I was in great shape. I had lost a good bit of weight (thanks to Tosca Reno and “The Clean Eating Diet”) and my husband always commented on how good I was looking. I have always been one for fashion and would put on my makeup just to walk to the mailbox.

However, after the wedding it seems like I just don’t care as much. I am still paying the gym monthly, but not going. I am almost too embarrassed to walk in there because I know the “girls” will be talking about me, how I was looking so good and how could I gain that much weight back in a short amount of time. Luckily for me, I really don’t see those girls outside of the gym.
You would think two of my best friends would inspire me. I have one best friend we call “Mrs. Fitness” she never misses a day at the gym and she will drink two liters of water before each beer. Then my other best friend wakes up at 5am each day before work and does at least an hour long cardio session. Hello, why have they not started an intervention on my butt?

This weekend was a wake up call when I realized on Saturday I had eaten 5 full meals…and Sunday I ate 5 cookies. WHAT? I never eat these kinds of things. Also, last weekend I went with “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” to Home Depot (our second home.) When I came downstairs he looked at me and I knew what he was thinking without him saying a word. (You are wearing that?, with your hair like that?, no makeup?, maybe you should change those tight jeans.) I had fallen into the rut of letting myself go!

So today I start my own intervention and Half Year’s Resolution! I just hope that someone doesn’t bring in the weekly Krispy Kreme doughnuts… the downfall of working ½ mile from that sweet tasting delicious goodness of Krispy Kreme. I figure if I at least blog about it and tell others it might inspire me to actually drive my car into the gym parking lot tonight… instead of driving by the parking lot on my way to get french fries from McDonalds.

Mom's Brand Loyalty and Her Many Lessons

It started in college when I realized that I had instilled my mother’s brand loyalty. It was the first time I could vote so I definitely voted the same party she did, I only bought Tide detergent because that is what she used all of my life, and I was only partial to Kellogg’s cereal. One time, my roommates decided that we were going to save money (the extra money was probably used to go out downtown Clemson). When they went grocery shopping they returned home with those huge bags of off-brand name cereal. I couldn’t believe my eyes it was pure shock! I wouldn’t eat those things because they were not what I was use to and mostly because I think that weekend the ants had invaded our kitchen cabinets. See the ants didn’t think they belonged their either.

When I met “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” we had probably dated almost a year before he hit me with the most shocking news…he was allergic to Tide detergent and I had to start using something completely different. What else was I suppose to use (like that was the only laundry detergent humans ever made)? I immediately called my Aunt, I call her “Mother Theresa,” not only is that her name but she is a saint. Fortunately, her son whom they call “Precious One” (only because he could probably murder someone and it would never be his fault according to my family) is allergic to Tide too. She hooked me onto ALL detergent. Now and I forever will be brand loyal to ALL. Well, unless my husband breaks into this allergic reaction again and I must find another brand.

Then, when I moved in with my husband it got worse! I had to change from my ever so soft Kleenex Cottonelle toilet paper to that hard, cardboard Scott tissue. WHAT???? It took a long while, but I am finally accustomed to Scott’s. I can barely use anything else. I try sneaking in at least the soft Scott and take it out of the wrappers before “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” can see it.
With this, I have already told you how OCD I am about how everything has its own place in the house and humans definitely made toilet paper and paper towel holders to be used.

When I was younger there were lessons my mom taught me :

1. Replace the toilet paper when empty and make sure it rolled over and down. Never under and down.

2. Never leave a drink on your night stand.

3. Never drive your car if the gas is below half full. Always keep your gas tank at least half full. I guess my mom was always worried about running out of gas. Maybe she had to push a car once and never wanted me to have to experience that one.

I came home yesterday to find the following:

Yep, no toilet paper on the roll. At first I wasn’t going to replace it and make “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” panic when he realized it wasn’t there. And hope he would replace it with the roll going over and down. But we were having company over so I quickly replaced it.


Then I go to the kitchen to find the following:

Yep, no paper towels either. But the empty roll still there. To his advantage, I forgot to buy some at the grocery store.

However, after much frustration over the matter we had a wonderful dinner with the family and once they were gone, I went upstairs for my nightly routine and to take a long bath. I was so tired from working and slaving over my, oh so fabulous, Paula Dean roast that the bath was exactly what I needed. What I did not expect was to be sitting in the tub and look over to see what I had done to the toilet paper: (GASP!!)

How could I fuss at “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” when I was this lazy? Had I lost my mind? The mere fact that I could get the toilet paper out of the cabinet and sit it on the toilet paper stand and not remove the old toilet paper roll…what else could I say?

Why I decided to blog...

It is sad. I have a daily routine that I am OCD about. And, it is not like waking up, brushing my teeth, shampooing before I shave…No! It is a daily internet routine. I come into work check my work email (which I have already seen once on my blackberry), I check g-mail, and Facebook, read my favorite blogs, check out the latest gossip with People and US magazine, and lastly I check all of the CBS Soaps. I have been addicted to the soap operas since a child because my grandmother only had a TV with channels 4, 7, and, 13. She loved Price Is Right so I guess she watched the soaps that came on afterwards. And still 20 years later I am still following Victor and Nikki Newman.
I tell you this because I am addicted to the internet. My favorite blog is Jasmine Star @ www.jasminestar.com. She is a photographer based out of Orange Beach, CA and I am in awe of her. She doesn’t know it but she is already my best friend and I have never met her. One day she was featured on another blog called The Pioneer Woman. My best friend in the world emailed me and asked if I had already visited The Pioneer Woman because she was voted best blog of the year. I immediately had to follow her @ www.thepioneerwoman.com. She inspired me to write my own blog. On her website she has this steamy love story (like a Danielle Steel novel) about how she, Pioneer Woman went from Black Heels to Tractor Wheels. As I started to read the story about how she met her husband “Marlboro Man,” I could not help to think about myself. No, I did not grow up in some big city or even as a country club girl but I did wear the latest fashion and travel long distances with my mother to shop at the finest boutiques. Now I find myself signing up to go to bull riding competitions and learning how to drive F-350 diesel pick-up trucks. I went from a small town/city girl to a country girl. As an only child, I always had everything I wanted and never had to work for it. Although my husband does provide me with everything I want and need, one thing this marriage has taught me is to work hard to have the best of everything. Needless to say, I have been seen shoveling dirt, laying sod, and even sanding down floors on our home. This is so I can have yard of the month (which I am far for achieving) or hardwood floors without thresholds (a word my contractor husband taught me.) (This is me sanding the floors in our newly remodeled kitchen.)

I went from being given everything to working and appreciating everything I have. So when I am always complaining about living in the worst house in our zip code, at night I go to bed with a husband that loves me more than words can say and I know that one day my hard work will pay off. When you get a few extra hours, sit down with a cup of coffee or a large glass of wine and read about the Pioneer Woman and her sexy Marlboro Man.